After talking with several friends I find it interesting how many of us said the phrase at some point of “When I’m a mom I am never gonnna….” Yet time and time again I open my mouth and words my mother once uttered to me fall out. Now as the mom of grown children I gain just a tiny bit of joy watching my children have my words fall out of their mouth and watch the look on their faces when they realize it.
Here are a few for giggles:
You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit
Look where you’re going, not where you have been.
You can get mad in the same pants you got glad in
Hands in your pockets or where your pockets should be. (had to add that last part because they got smart and said their shorts didn’t have pockets)
Slow down breathe then try telling me again
Think about it, I normally don’t ask a question I don’t already know the answer too.
Here is the deal, some of the things my mom said or did, the good and the bad (cause let’s face it we all have bad days) showed up in what I said or did with my children. However, I had a choice as to whether or not I was going to carry the things from the past into the future. I had to be mindful of my legacy. My mom is great, and so was hers yet each generation has taken what we have learned from the previous generation to be better for the next.
Sadly, I have many friends who had horrible mom’s, but they still share the same responsibility. The responsibility to learn from their past, to grow in the present and leave an impactful legacy.
One of the things I have learned in my time here on earth is some of the things I absolutely hated hearing were the exact thing I needed to hear to be a better person.
Yesterday, when I heard a young girl say to her mother “When I’m a mom I am never gonna…..” All I could do was giggle and think to myself that yes sweetheart you probably are, that is ok, and you will be better for it.
Today I am sharing a few lessons I have learned from my mom. While this list is not complete it is a good reminder that there are lessons for us all to learn even when we might turn a blind eye or deaf ear to it. So I hope this helps you see some of the lessons you have learned and you would be willing to share them with us.
Lesson 1 – Self Realization sets you free I will admit I was not an easy child in my youth, a friend asked me my Sr year (age 18) if I could go out with her one weekend, I told her “I can’t I’m grounded” to which she replied “grounded I haven’t been grounded since I was 13” I quipped back…. “Funny, I have been grounded since I was 13” my mom overheard this conversation and while still giggling did permit me to go out that weekend. –
Lesson 2 – You can still find joy when you’re stuck in a rut When I was learning to drive a stick shift my mom had a 1971 Triumph Spitfire she took me to a neighborhood just south of us to teach me how to drive it. We lived on a big hill and she knew to start on a hill would need to be the final lesson, little did she know how true that would be. At one intersection of this neighborhood, was a stop sign that had a huge dip, not depthwise but huge in width, and the incline was just enough to cause a challenge. After what seemed like hours of trying to get out of this dip, and lots of loud laughter from my mom (did I mention it was a convertible and the top was down) then eventually laughter by me even though I was mortified that any of the “cute” boys I went to school with would come out and see this catastrophe.
Lesson 3 – You can still be rich despite your circumstances Several years ago my sister asked my parents why we didn’t have any of those good meals like we used to. My dad asked what she was talking about. She replied “You know the ones with fried Spam, Cheese, Crackers and y’all had onion and tomato” (she didn’t eat veggies, pretty much still doesn’t) My dad’s response was “Because we don’t have to!” What we didn’t realize back then was that Spam back in the day was cheap, the cheese we had was government cheese, crackers were cheap, and the onions and tomatoes we ate came from the garden in our backyard. My mom was stretching the family budget to keep us fed and we never knew we were poor.
Lesson 4 – You never know how strong you are until you are tested to the limits Over the last few years, we have gained insight through personal development that helps me to have a better picture of our conflict over the years. I am someone who adapts and responds quickly but my mom is one who likes to take a little longer to process. When we embrace the uniqueness of each other we work together well, but it took a lot of years of our personalities battling each other. Even in that friction, it created resilience in me. When I went to boot camp my mom and I left things in a rough place. As a mom of adult children, I now understand some of what she was feeling. Wondering if you have prepared them well for the world they are about to face. I remember getting on the bus after boot camp and my company commander asking me “So, what did you think Davis? (Maiden name)” I quickly responded, “You ain’t got nothin’ on my mama!”
Lesson 5 – You Can’t outrun God or the prayers of a faithful MOM My husband and I were going through a particularly rough patch there seemed to be one thing after another after another coming against us. I was sitting on the shoreline at the lake with my mom, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, I am so sorry Angie. I have been praying the prayer “Lord whatever it takes and I hate seeing you go through all of this.” My response was probably the bigger answer to her prayer when I said: “Why are you apologizing for God answering your prayers?”
I don’t know about you but sitting around the house napping, eating and watching mindless hours of TV makes you start to feel like mush. While I know some that are out there making amazing healthy meals, there are also some of us (yes me included) who are making poor choices. Please know I am not trying to tell you to live a step-ford wife life, but I do care enough for you to remind you to be intentional with each day. Don’t let bedtime come and you wonder where the day went while you sat there eating a box of cereal and watching hours of Netflix.
Here are some things I learned from my Doctor and fitness friends even before COVID-19 became a household name.
Holding to a routine helps you stay even keeled when circumstances change. For those who are up early during the week know this to be true because their body wakes them up early on the weekends too! So wake up and get up, and start your day!
Being outside helps to lift your emotional well-being, grounding yourself with the earth is healthy. Go sit on the patio or porch, take a walk, ride your bike, work in the yard, being outside even during allergy season will lift your spirits more than you realize.
Movement of the body externally helps things internally move. (Yes, movement helps you poop, I said it!) Plus the longer you sit still and more sedentary you become the harder it will be to get going again when it is time.
Leaders are Readers, so if you are to lead your home, you need to be reading, choose wisely! Read a novel, or self-help book, want some suggestions just let me know. Sadly it is my opinion that reading Facebook, the News and Conspiracy theory could very well be detrimental to your health.
When looking at data a common term is garbage in, garbage out, same goes for mental, emotional, and physical care of your body, mind and spirit. Be mindful of what you are consuming mentally, how it is making you feel emotionally, and how your body is processing the food you are eating.
Keep yourself aware that all those posts you are scrolling thru on FB are people, real live people. Reach out and be kind, send a private message and let them know you see them and are thinking about them.
I knew I needed to self-discipline so I made a fun little chart that I have laminated and keep in my home office as a reminder to get these things done daily. I have shared it with a few friends to challenge us each day, and reward ourselves too! I am including a copy of it here in this post for you to print off and use. If you don’t have a laminator that is ok, you can put it in a sheet protector, use some saran wrap and tape it over the paper on the fridge or just print out a copy for each week. Get the Challenge Chart Here
Also be sure to join our WarriorDIVAS Facebook Groupwhere we empower and equip women each and every day and have prayer time on Wednesdays at noon CST.
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” Luke 14:28
When I worked for the church, this was one of my boss’s favorite verses. After all I worked in the business office for the church and he was an accountant. While, I had examples set for me throughout my life about how to manage my finances. One thing I began to realize while working at the church was the financial cost was not the only cost you had to be aware of.
I was meeting with small church leaders, and non-profit leaders, as well as those who dreamed of starting a church or non-profit. Since the common theme to these entities is to bring in tithes, and donations, many of the people I would sit with would have a “business” plan for how to handle getting and spending the donor dollars. The one thing they over looked was the cost of their time, their energy, and even the cost of relationships that building these things cost them.
The same can be said for entrepreneurs, if you are focused on the sale, and not the relationship, you are missing a huge cost that could destroy your whole business.
But let’s get personal, are you trying to build yourself up to be something you are not? Are you living a life of fake it til you make it, just hoping you will make it before you are discovered you are faking?
Counting the costs does not just work in the non-profit or for profit world, it works in our everyday life. Where we spend our time, our energy, and our money.
A mentor once told me that one of the things he noticed while he traveled around to meet with high net worth individuals, was that the bigger the wealth the small the TV’s and the bigger the libraries. Another words, the higher wealth individuals were not concerned with what was going on with reality TV, or even the news, instead they were focused on learning more, and improving themselves. They were not caught in a game of comparisons, hoping not to get caught faking it. Also, because their life did not revolve around Netflix and chill they were able to see with a broader vision of where they were going and what they were doing.
Whatever journey you are on today, I challenge you to count the cost mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and monetarily to truly understand what your journey will cost you.
Daily DIVAS Challenge:
Do a self Assesment of where you are and where you want to be?
What is the cost of achieving your goals?
Begin weaning yourself off of the the things that are distracting you from your goals.
May our sons in their youth be like full-grown plants, and our daughters like pillars destined to decorate a palace. Psalm 144:12 ISV
I remember going to the local rodeos when I was younger and I would see these little kids dressed up in their best wranglers, brushpopper shirt and little Stetson cowboy hats, and their Justin Boots. The Girls were not to be outdone, often dressed similar with a pop more of color and sometimes even a bow popping out from under their hat to hold back their long pony tails. They looks like tiny adults walking around. The more intriguing thing to me, is that most of them had better manners, could maintain eye contact and carry on an enjoyable conversation when most adults I had encountered could not do that.
I often wondered what the difference was between city folks, and country folks were. Now, I realize I am using a broad generalization here but for the most part I came to some conclusions. Many times the country kids knew more than the city kids the importance of hard work and team work. They had chores, that the family relied on them to accomplish to keep things moving. The city folks might have chores, but the consequences for missing a chore wasn’t as strict in the city as it was in the country. The Country families had family dinner time, where it was not about racing through the meal, but instead it was about a time to connect and learn about each others hopes and dreams, and provide wisdom to the next generation.
While both country and city kids were afforded countless opportunities to pursue their dreams it still relied on which ones embraced the opportunities that came their way. It also depended on which kids were mature enough to embrace the opportunities and not squander them.
Now, I am not saying that all city kids are lacking anything, after all I was raised a city kid. However, I am recognizing that even though I was raised as a city kid the importance of the things that were instilled in me by sitting around the dinner table with my family, and doing chores. When the adults take the time to invest in their children, they afford them the opportunity to receive blessings for their future at a much younger age. They set them up to be the answer to prayer for a mom who is praying for their future son or daughter in law.
Whether you live in the city or country, what are you doing today to fan the flames of your children’s hopes and dreams?