After talking with several friends I find it interesting how many of us said the phrase at some point of “When I’m a mom I am never gonnna….” Yet time and time again I open my mouth and words my mother once uttered to me fall out. Now as the mom of grown children I gain just a tiny bit of joy watching my children have my words fall out of their mouth and watch the look on their faces when they realize it.
Here are a few for giggles:
You get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit
Look where you’re going, not where you have been.
You can get mad in the same pants you got glad in
Hands in your pockets or where your pockets should be. (had to add that last part because they got smart and said their shorts didn’t have pockets)
Slow down breathe then try telling me again
Think about it, I normally don’t ask a question I don’t already know the answer too.
Here is the deal, some of the things my mom said or did, the good and the bad (cause let’s face it we all have bad days) showed up in what I said or did with my children. However, I had a choice as to whether or not I was going to carry the things from the past into the future. I had to be mindful of my legacy. My mom is great, and so was hers yet each generation has taken what we have learned from the previous generation to be better for the next.
Sadly, I have many friends who had horrible mom’s, but they still share the same responsibility. The responsibility to learn from their past, to grow in the present and leave an impactful legacy.
One of the things I have learned in my time here on earth is some of the things I absolutely hated hearing were the exact thing I needed to hear to be a better person.
Yesterday, when I heard a young girl say to her mother “When I’m a mom I am never gonna…..” All I could do was giggle and think to myself that yes sweetheart you probably are, that is ok, and you will be better for it.
Mom and Me at First Baptist Glenwood Arkansas’ Women’s Night
Today I am sharing a few lessons I have learned from my mom. While this list is not complete it is a good reminder that there are lessons for us all to learn even when we might turn a blind eye or deaf ear to it. So I hope this helps you see some of the lessons you have learned and you would be willing to share them with us.
Lesson 1 – Self Realization sets you free I will admit I was not an easy child in my youth, a friend asked me my Sr year (age 18) if I could go out with her one weekend, I told her “I can’t I’m grounded” to which she replied “grounded I haven’t been grounded since I was 13” I quipped back…. “Funny, I have been grounded since I was 13” my mom overheard this conversation and while still giggling did permit me to go out that weekend. –
Lesson 2 – You can still find joy when you’re stuck in a rut When I was learning to drive a stick shift my mom had a 1971 Triumph Spitfire she took me to a neighborhood just south of us to teach me how to drive it. We lived on a big hill and she knew to start on a hill would need to be the final lesson, little did she know how true that would be. At one intersection of this neighborhood, was a stop sign that had a huge dip, not depthwise but huge in width, and the incline was just enough to cause a challenge. After what seemed like hours of trying to get out of this dip, and lots of loud laughter from my mom (did I mention it was a convertible and the top was down) then eventually laughter by me even though I was mortified that any of the “cute” boys I went to school with would come out and see this catastrophe.
Lesson 3 – You can still be rich despite your circumstances Several years ago my sister asked my parents why we didn’t have any of those good meals like we used to. My dad asked what she was talking about. She replied “You know the ones with fried Spam, Cheese, Crackers and y’all had onion and tomato” (she didn’t eat veggies, pretty much still doesn’t) My dad’s response was “Because we don’t have to!” What we didn’t realize back then was that Spam back in the day was cheap, the cheese we had was government cheese, crackers were cheap, and the onions and tomatoes we ate came from the garden in our backyard. My mom was stretching the family budget to keep us fed and we never knew we were poor.
Lesson 4 – You never know how strong you are until you are tested to the limits Over the last few years, we have gained insight through personal development that helps me to have a better picture of our conflict over the years. I am someone who adapts and responds quickly but my mom is one who likes to take a little longer to process. When we embrace the uniqueness of each other we work together well, but it took a lot of years of our personalities battling each other. Even in that friction, it created resilience in me. When I went to boot camp my mom and I left things in a rough place. As a mom of adult children, I now understand some of what she was feeling. Wondering if you have prepared them well for the world they are about to face. I remember getting on the bus after boot camp and my company commander asking me “So, what did you think Davis? (Maiden name)” I quickly responded, “You ain’t got nothin’ on my mama!”
Lesson 5 – You Can’t outrun God or the prayers of a faithful MOM My husband and I were going through a particularly rough patch there seemed to be one thing after another after another coming against us. I was sitting on the shoreline at the lake with my mom, and she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said, I am so sorry Angie. I have been praying the prayer “Lord whatever it takes and I hate seeing you go through all of this.” My response was probably the bigger answer to her prayer when I said: “Why are you apologizing for God answering your prayers?”
If you have a picky eater, then you know how difficult it is
to send them off to school with the hope that they will actually eat what you
pack in their lunch boxes. As a mom or dad, you don’t want your child coming
home hungry everyday toting back the foods you sent to school. And in truth,
this happens more often than not with picky eaters, and as a parent you feel
guilty.
First, allow your child to choose the lunch box they really
want so that they feel they are a part of the lunch process. Next, if they are
old enough, involve them in the planning and the grocery shopping. Try to pack
a balanced meal which is not always easy to do with these little ones. You can
try to pair something they already eat with something new, but giving them new
items in their lunch boxes may not always be a smart choice.
You can also involve your child by going over the school
lunch menu together. Maybe he or she will choose some days to buy their lunch
to break up the lunch box monotony. On lunch box days, make sure they can
clearly see what’s in the box and that you have given them a variety of foods
they like. Small quantities of things they like gives them choices and lets you
incorporate more of the foods they might actually eat.
Bento Boxes are perfect for these picky eaters. The small
spaces give you the opportunity to give them small bites of the foods they
love. Get creative! Mix it up! Add an encouraging note to the box, and then
just try to relax. Give them choices, involve them in the packing process and
know that they will not starve! And by involving them more, you lessen the
struggle and may help them develop a bigger interest in food.
May our sons in their youth be like full-grown plants, and our daughters like pillars destined to decorate a palace. Psalm 144:12 ISV
I remember going to the local rodeos when I was younger and I would see these little kids dressed up in their best wranglers, brushpopper shirt and little Stetson cowboy hats, and their Justin Boots. The Girls were not to be outdone, often dressed similar with a pop more of color and sometimes even a bow popping out from under their hat to hold back their long pony tails. They looks like tiny adults walking around. The more intriguing thing to me, is that most of them had better manners, could maintain eye contact and carry on an enjoyable conversation when most adults I had encountered could not do that.
I often wondered what the difference was between city folks, and country folks were. Now, I realize I am using a broad generalization here but for the most part I came to some conclusions. Many times the country kids knew more than the city kids the importance of hard work and team work. They had chores, that the family relied on them to accomplish to keep things moving. The city folks might have chores, but the consequences for missing a chore wasn’t as strict in the city as it was in the country. The Country families had family dinner time, where it was not about racing through the meal, but instead it was about a time to connect and learn about each others hopes and dreams, and provide wisdom to the next generation.
While both country and city kids were afforded countless opportunities to pursue their dreams it still relied on which ones embraced the opportunities that came their way. It also depended on which kids were mature enough to embrace the opportunities and not squander them.
Now, I am not saying that all city kids are lacking anything, after all I was raised a city kid. However, I am recognizing that even though I was raised as a city kid the importance of the things that were instilled in me by sitting around the dinner table with my family, and doing chores. When the adults take the time to invest in their children, they afford them the opportunity to receive blessings for their future at a much younger age. They set them up to be the answer to prayer for a mom who is praying for their future son or daughter in law.
Whether you live in the city or country, what are you doing today to fan the flames of your children’s hopes and dreams?
Remember the
song “You’ve Got a Friend in Me”? … (Randy
Newman, Toy Story)
“You’ve got a friend in me, you’ve got a friend in me.
You’ve got troubles, and I’ve got ‘em
too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together and we see
it through, ‘cause you’ve got a friend in me. You’ve got a friend in me.”
As women,
this should be our priority. To find that one special friend who will be there
for us through the good and bad; to have that one person who understands us and
knows when we need them to just listen or give us a reassuring, comforting hug.
And in return, we do the same for them. A true friend is not only honest about
themselves, but they can also be honest about and with you. In other words, a
true friend will never be insincere or disingenuous with you.
Reflect back
through the years, all the way to grammar school and beyond. We can all
remember someone who touched our lives and hearts, and we also remember the
so-called “mean girls” who thought
they were better than you, prettier than you, skinnier than you, smarter than
you and on and on. But as we grow older, we realize that there are some people
we can truly relate to. There are those special women who believe in you, and
they root for you in success, and they cry with you in failure.
These are
the women who will tell you if you have lip stick on your teeth or toilet paper
on your shoe. They are the women who will fix your crown, and they will not
tell the world that your crown was crooked. They are the epitome of discretion
and grace. These are the ladies who do not gossip behind your back, and they
will defend you to others who are talking about you. Remember rule number one …
if your “friend” is gossiping to you
about other women, then you can be sure that she is also talking about you
behind your back. This woman is NOT
a true girlfriend!
True friends
accept one another faults and all. And if you are lucky enough to have found
that one special person who has stuck by you through thick and thin for twenty
or thirty or fifty years, you are truly blessed. These are the people who will
listen to you without criticism, and they know when to be quiet and when to
give advice. These are not toxic people! They are genuine and loving.
Now, ask
yourself if you are or have been the toxic person in your relationships? If so,
you need to work on yourself, your attitude, and you may need to find a new
group of friends in order to have a positive impact on your family, yourself
and those around you. In other words, DETOX yourself! Learn how to find sincere
friends. Learn how to be a sincere friend. Remember, a true friend accepts you
and values what makes you unique. And because you are not a fair-weather
friend, in turn, you will also be there for the down times, the good times, the
health crises and everything in between.
Ask yourself
now what type of girlfriend do you want to have and what type of friend do you
want to be? As you grow and evolve, you will discover your better self and
identify with others more. You will find people who inspire you, lift you up,
talk truth to you when you need it, and give you comfort in the hard times. No
friend is perfect, but a true friend cares about you and respects your moods,
emotions and thoughts. And in turn, you do the same for them.
It’s not
clear why some people connect and others do not. And making tried and true
friends seems to become more difficult as we grow older. But if you are lucky
enough to find that special person who truly communicates with you and touches
your heart, hang on to that relationship. This is the person who will deal with
conflicts and problems and they will be clear-cut and direct with you. They
will see your heart and you will see theirs. This is the one true friend that
distance and time will never affect how you feel or connect with one another.
This is the one person with whom you can have a rewarding and timeless
relationship. This is a true and faithful girlfriend. And as women, we need
true girlfriends, for today and for all the tomorrows to come.
So, who is your genuine girlfriend? To find out more about being a true girlfriend or learning how to nurture a friendship, listen to Warrior DIVAS, Episode 3 available Online at https://divasimpact.com/podcast/.
Matthew 5:1-2 Now when he saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, and he began to teach them…
I often wonder what it would have been like to be in the crowd when Jesus taught on the Beatitudes. I wonder if the people in the audience really picked up on all they were taught. Did some of the things go over their head, plant a seed for later or did it smack them right in the face! Over the next few days we will be digging further into each of these Beatitudes and finding out what they mean. But this is not just a read a post endeavor, this is a lets discuss them together. So as the posts come up comment back, share what each means to you and lets grow together.
Daily DIVAS Challenge:
Read Matthew 5: 1-12
Identify the ones that leap out to you and you can truly identify with
Identify the ones you don’t understand and let’s see if we can gain understanding together.
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